What marriage is all about 03/09/2023

Koinonia in my home

As we have almost completed our study of koinonia or community, I thought it might be helpful to have a brief look at how this concept might apply to our home life. This is a huge subject and it both sensitive and controversial. For today, I want to highlight some general principles applying to relationships and marriage based on the Bible. I could develop this subject in greater depth but today we are going to provide a brief summary.

I found some general statements made in a secular context about what makes a successful marriage. Surprisingly enough, the first characteristic was a lifelong commitment to your marriage, which would resonate with the Biblical view of a marriage covenant. This was followed by loyalty and faithfulness to your spouse, especially when times are tough. There were other characteristics such as shared moral values and respect for your spouse as your best friend.

But as expected, here are some Bible verses which provide very helpful advice for married couples.

If the Lord does not build a house, then those who build it work in vain. [Psalm 127:1 NET] (I take building a house to represent any venture or project and this could certainly include marriage)

Acknowledge him in all your ways, and he will make your paths straight. [Proverbs 3:6 NET] (This would suggest that the couple seek the Lord's guidance when it comes to making decisions).

But above all pursue his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. [Matthew 6:33 NET]

(This is about prioritising serving Jesus Christ in our married life and placing less emphasis on material prosperity).

You might wonder why I have chosen these verses because they are not dealing particularly with the subject of marriage; they have a more general application in the Christian pathway. However, I want to suggest that they are applicable to marriage in the same way as they apply to all aspects of our lives. Christian marriage is based on the principle that a couple submits to the will of God in their lives. The husband and wife both give God His rightful place in their lives and everything else follows on from this.

Here is another verse which has a relevance for married life.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. [Philippians 2:3-4 ESV]

This quotation from an unknown source develops this verse:

The love that carries a couple to the altar is not the same love that sustains them through the ups and downs of marriage. Juggling family, careers, and finances ……. can leave us exhausted and overwhelmed. Yet despite any hardships, we are called to live in humility, considering others’ needs before our own. We are to “have the attitude of Christ.” Yet we live in a world that reinforces a me-first perspective.

Marriage is all about giving priority to your partner. Selfishness will undermine the relationship and will produce constant friction which is destructive to the relationship. I have been happily married for over 48 years but I have to learn this lesson every day. The old sinful nature or 'the flesh' always drives me to put my feelings before my wife's needs and desires. This is a battle I could not win on my own strength.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” [Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭25‬-‭28‬ ‭NIV‬‬]

This chapter in Ephesians also deals with the subject of wives submitting to their own husbands, which is controversial in this feminist age. I have an attachment to a PDF of a presentation I made on this subject a few years ago.

Love One Another - Ephesians 5.pdf

Download PDF • 379KB